My Keto Journey and How I Lost Myself

Now the title is a bit...well dramatic! If you know me, I'm certainly not a dramatic person, I'm just fucking real. That's all I'll ever be. So let's dive into my keto journey and how I lost myself....it's not what you think!

Before I forget, I invite you to bookmark this page: Keto Recipes! I promise they are flavorful, easy to make and will have you feeling full!

Now typically, I would make this image "full size" but I can't do that to myself, so I'm gonna keep it small. K?! 

Alright so in the early years of Motherhood, I was hardly ever in pictures. If you're a mom, you know damn well exactly what I'm talking about! We take the pictures, we aren't always in them!

When I saw the above picture of myself, I was in shock. How in the hell did I let myself go? It was at my oldest daughter's Kindergarten Musical in May '14. I saw the picture and cried...for days! I didn't realize I had looked like that. Granted I had just had my third (and final!) baby 7 months prior, but, that wasn't an excuse I could use anymore. I needed to be selfish and do this for me. That meant putting my needs above all others because if I couldn't take care of myself nobody else could and I couldn't take care of my kiddos the way I wanted to.

I was so fucking disgusted with myself.

I was also depressed. I had been depressed for awhile at this point. With life. My marriage. I was nothing but a damn Mom. Now if you've read my I was Told At 24 I'd Never Have Kids post, you'd know all I ever wanted to be was a Mom!

But, I was also doing a lot of "pretending". Pretending that my marriage and my life was perfect, when you can clearly tell how fucking miserable I was on the inside. 

I took action.

Immediately, I found an "online program" called Bikini Body Mommy. It was at home work outs that I would do as soon as my oldest got on the bus. 

This was Day 8 of the BBM 2.0 challenge! My facebook post said:

May 12, 2014: "Bikini Body Mommy 2.0 day 8 completed! I feel GREAT when I workout and eat healthy!!! It's a lifestyle change! #newmindbodysoul"

It's true! I had began the transformation to losing myself!

I became selfish as fuck. Not in a bad way, but in a good way. I had to put myself first. Why? Because if I didn't, the change to losing myself would've never taken place. It's ok to be selfish at times throughout your life, especially when you really need it.

I documented shit on my personal Facebook page, because 1. I felt like I was holding myself accountable 2. I was inspiring other women to join me on my journey. 

I had to get "in the groove". I knew I had to do these workouts every morning while the younger two took their morning naps. If I didn't, it wouldn't get done. 

It just became a routine.

In December 2014, I decided I'd go "hard" and try my hand at Insanity Max:30. I had done the research on it and I knew it was going to kick my ass. However, I knew there would be results! That's what I was after, the result! Not only was I doing Insanity Max: 30, I was also eating right: keto, cut carbs, no sugar. At this time, I also began healing from all the bullshit that we often refer to as Childhood Trauma. I was doing ALL THE WORK.

I fell in love with the programs, the women supporting one another and actually started developing recipes with the Shakeology! I'm no longer a coach, so I don't have shit to make on this plug, but, if you haven't tried the Vanilla Shakeology, do it! I would mix that shit in anything and everything. Ok enough about that!

From there, I continued my workouts. I was feeling on top of the world.

However, it got put to a halt in May 2015. 

I visited a friend (I have a post coming up on this one soon) and ended up tearing the tendon that holds your arch up in your foot...and I don't mean tear, it came off the bone!

From May until November, when I finally got exploratory surgery, I couldn't do much. I was in and out of casts, on crutches. It wasn't a good time in my life, mentally or physically. 

I had just worked my ass off and now I was thrown 100 steps back.

Not only was I having to fight doctors, but, my (ex) Husband as well. Nobody seemingly believed that I was in pain, that I "felt like something was flopping in my foot when I walked". 

picture of xray from foot surgery When the doctor told me "exploratory" I just figured they were gonna go in, take a look at what exactly was wrong since nothing was showing on xrays or two MRI's, they'd put me back together, come out of surgery and come up with a game plan to fix it. NOPE! I woke up in recovery with this cast. Oh and it was a week before my favorite holiday, Thanksgiving, to boot! Great times. leg in cast with nerve block In March 2016, I started working out again! It was fucking INSANE the amount of pain I was in...but, I didn't make excuses and did it anyway! Why? Because I wanted it so fucking bad.

I wanted to join a gym, but, the ex wasn't on board. So I bought a double jogging stroller and would just walk. For hours. Listening to music, the kids would often fall asleep and I'd just walk and think. Clear my head.

In September 2019, I finally left my marriage. The first thing I did when I left, I joined a damn gym and I was on top of the world!

Literally every morning I didn't have the kids, I was in the gym by 7 am. I had a personal trainer and I asked him to push me! I began lifting weights and going after the person that I knew I was, just not the person I was reflecting to be. I was healed. I had lost myself. The OLD version of myself. This new version was not only healed, but lost an entire person in more ways than one. I've stuck with the keto/low carb diet this entire time. I've kept the weight off. It's never came back, even with the surgery. This person I've become is who I am. My true self. I can tell you my strengths. My weaknesses. My flaws. But, it's the best version I've ever been.

We all have a story. We all have our struggles, our strengths and can never have to much support. I began my journey after battling a bout of depression after having my third child. I was broken emotionally and physically in every aspect of my life. I found that I needed a lifestyle change and couldn't be the Momma I wanted to be in the skin I was in. I found a group of women who supported me. Without them my journey would've never even begun. Without the support and the accountability I would've drown in my own skin, would've been medicated and sheltered. We all reach a LOW point. It's what motivates us to make change and to become YOUR BEST SELF. This was my low point. ....Have you reached YOUR LOW point?

My heart is to serve. That's all I'll ever do. And why I'm sharing my own story, as brutal as it is. If I inspire one woman with this story, I've succeeded!

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